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Interracial Couple

How To Know If You've Found "The One"

When you first meet a prospective partner, there are several key traits you should assess, according to the Moschettas. For example, physical attraction is very important. "I think everyone has an idealized Other in their consciousness," notes Paul. When you meet that someone, there's a powerful pull, often called chemistry or electricity. "It speaks to you on a nonverbal level."

However, they caution, if your attraction is based only on looks, it's infatuation, which eventually burns out. "At first, love and infatuation feel the same," explains Evelyn. "That's why it's so important for people to spend time getting to know each other, to become friends."

As you're getting acquainted, you can't be sure you've met "the one" until you examine your beloved's internal qualities. "You need to know, 'Who is this person? Are they mentally healthy?'" Paul advises. Some key things to look for: kindness, compassion, empathy, generosity, and a sense of humor. Ask yourself: Do you share similar interests? Is his or her world as important as yours? Are you able to resolve issues and to express anger without hurting the other's self-esteem? Do you laugh, play and adventure together? Overall, do you bring out the best in each other?

Most important: Build a level of trust where you feel totally safe and can be yourself-no secrets, no role-playing. When this exists, says Evelyn, "that's when souls are able to touch."
 
 

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