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What You Need to Know about a Roommate Marriage


What You Need to Know about a Roommate Marriage


Are you in a roommate marriage or relationship? If you have doubts here are some clues:

  • You’ve stopped sharing your inner thoughts and feelings, because you’re convinced that your partner doesn’t care about them or will use them against you.
  • You get home and feel relieved when you realize that your partner isn’t there.
  • Sex is a distant memory or an obligation that you do your best to avoid.
  • Your partner makes everyone and everything else more important than you.
  • Doing something kind and thoughtful that says, “I love you,” rarely enters your mind.
  • All you can think of are the past unpleasant things your partner has done, even though now he’s trying to be better.
  • You would rather be with your friends first and your partner second.
  • Your sexual fantasies include everyone but your partner.
  • The prospect of being alone together on a vacation gives you an anxiety attack.
  • Your partner keeps embarrassing you in public, even after you’ve told her how painful it is.
  • You resent playing host to his family.
  • Your partner would rather hear himself talk than listen to your point of view.
  • Your partner says “I love you,” but hasn’t a clue about how you need to be loved.
  • Your partner feels to you like a child that you take care of rather than a close friend and lover.
  • You’ve lost interest in what might be going on in your partner’s mind.
  • The amount of pain in your relationship is greater than the pleasure.
  • You are staying together because of guilt and fear rather than because you like or love one another.
  • Besides work and children there is little else you talk about.
  • Doing something fun together rarely goes well.
  • You consistently have the feeling that your partner would rather be anywhere else than with you.
If this list convinces you that you and your partner have become roommates, be careful of the tendency to feel hopeless or discouraged. Don’t allow yourself to become immobilized by negative thoughts about yourself, your partner, or your relationship. Thinking negative thoughts has a consequence; it drains energy and paralyzes your ability to act on your own behalf. The positive thing to do is get some expert help now.