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Putting Each Other First

A crucial requirement to having the “in love” passion you desire is that your partner must be your top priority. This is a major ingredient in healthy love. It doesn’t mean your partner is your only priority. You can have as many as you can reasonably handle, but your partner must be your top priority.

Intense career demands, children, social and family commitments and just getting everyday personal needs taken care of can easily push your partner and your relationship to the bottom of your "to do" list. That's the beginning of each of you feeling ignored and taken for granted.

You make it clear that your partner is your top priority when they see that you are willing and able to have their happiness and well being be just as important to you as your own. In fact there are many times when you will make their needs more important than your own, and that also will be fine with you. Of course this has to work both ways. Each of you has to practice putting the other first.

One important caveat here: making each other a top priority in no way means blind loyalty to a partner who is physically and/or verbally abusive, who is drug and/or alcohol addicted, or who is mean-spirited and maliciously manipulative.

Let’s also be clear that reining in your ego to be more caring toward your partner does not mean you have to neglect yourself, make yourself a doormat, or martyr yourself as a victim to another’s demands. And it doesn’t mean that you’ll be dependently attached to each other. You will not be clones of one another, unable to function on your own. In fact, becoming passionate soul mates has the opposite result; it creates strong, independent individuals who choose to be fully engaged in each other’s inner and outer lives.

The major point here deserves repeating: to share an “in love” soul mate passion, inside the bedroom and out, you cannot be selfish. Being able to go past yourself, to delay gratification, to not consistently get your way, to let go of old angers, to not always need to be right, and to look honestly at how you behave toward your partner is essential. These are the conditions that allow a soul mate love to find room to grow between you.

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