Written by Drs. Evelyn and Paul Moschetta of Mid-town Manhattan
A happy marriage rests on a foundation of unquestioned trust. If you want your marriage/relationship to be all it can be you must know how to create this kind of trust. Most couples think of trust exclusively in terms of being sexually faithful. Being faithful is essential but it’s not the whole trust picture.
Our research into strong healthy marriages revealed 5 specific kinds of trust husbands and wives gave one another. Go over the following list and check which kind of trust you bring or do not bring to your relationship. Ask your partner to do the same and share your results. This is an excellent way to clarify where your trust is solid or where it may need work.
Here are the 5 dimensions of unquestioned trust:
- Trust that you will be sexually faithful. Without sexual fidelity marriage becomes unworkable. Partners can recover from an affair but need professional help to do it. Keep your commitment to be sexually faithful. If you’re unhappy in your marriage get counseling not a part-time lover.
- Trust that you will not harm,reject or control one another. Trust thrives in an atmosphere of safety and security. Hurting one another (physically or verbally) and rejecting one another creates fear which undermines trust. With control comes mistrust. Make sure your love is not filled with a lot of possessive clinging which pushes your partner away.
- Trust that you love one another without ulterior motives. You (and your partner) need to feel sure you are loved for yourself and not some ulterior motive ie; your looks, your money or your family or because your partner (or you) needs a housekeeper, someone to feel superior to or be a buffer against being alone and lonely.
- Trust that you will not abandon one another in the face of anger, conflict and disagreements. Anger, conflict and disagreements are inevitable. Make it safe for the careful expression of anger and for disagreements to happen without raising a fear of abandonment. You do this by never using the threat of divorce against your partner.
- Trust that you will keep each other and your marriage a top priority. Partners trust that they mean it when they promise to love, honor and cherish one another. When you take each other for granted, neglect your relationship and consistently give too much time and energy to other things and people you break that trust. Remember every day what is really important in your life. Keep your priorities clear. Make your partner and your marriage your top #1 priority.
Both Dr. Evelyn and Dr. Paul have many years of experience dealing with all the above issues. Contact us today to learn more!